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​Global Warming and the Great Finger Hoax


Recently a cold front swept across the U.S., making Austin, Texas, colder than Alaska. This is no hoax. But obviously, for many of us, theories about mankind causing global warming is one of the biggest tricks in modern times. There are plenty of hoaxes to be flushed out in this world, and this is something I know by experience. A hoax was recently perpetrated upon me in my own kitchen. It was done with great precision and care. My grown-ass daughter, who tends to cut and burn herself when cooking, saved up fake blood from the Halloween season. Six months later, she was loudly chopping vegetables and suddenly began screaming like a banshee and calling for her momma (me). I tremblingly ran into the kitchen and indeed saw the end joint of her index finger on the cutting board, covered in blood. Of course, I was filmed freaking out in sadly hilarious fashion over the bit of carrot doused with fake blood. It was a cruel joke that turned my insides into jelly. She must pay for what she did! But at least the hoax didn’t cost anyone millions, like a finger hoax that was played on Wendy’s back in March of 2005.

A Costly Hoax

A couple in California devised a hoax claiming that the wife found a piece of a human finger in her chili from a Wendy’s restaurant. Their claim made national news, and the story cost Wendy’s more than $1 million daily in lost sales. A reward of $100,000 was offered by Wendy’s to find out how the finger ended up in the chili. A police investigation ultimately uncovered the hoax. Someone the husband worked with lost a hand, and that’s where the finger came from. He and his wife had conspired to cash in on a claim against Wendy’s for the “chili finger.”

Scientific Manipulation

You may be like me and still think about Wendy’s chili with skepticism, even if you aren’t always sure why. You may also be among those convinced of global warming, what with photos of sickly polar bears and melting glaciers. But many scientists have revealed their findings that it is hogwash. People across the planet are lining their pockets with wealth, thanks to the bogus claim used to affect laws and levy huge taxes. Because so many people involved in the hoax are the “powers that be,” the scientists who are brave enough to expose the major trick are fired from their jobs and smear campaigns are waged to discredit them. This crap is way worse than any finger hoax I’ve ever heard of, partly because others like me who refuse to accept the false narrative are made out to be stupid. Hoaxes…another solid argument to prove Life is Crap.

​Shit News for the Legal Marijuana Industry

Things had been looking up for the marijuana industry. California just legalized recreational pot on the 1st of January, Florida offers medical marijuana, and other states are making continuous progress on expanding the reach of legal marijuana in the U.S. But the hammer may have just come down on the pot party. Attorney General Jeff Sessions is well known for [...]

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​Best of Luck Climbing Out of your Rut in 2018

A tough year is behind us and now a New Year challenges us to make resolutions for better tomorrows. The problem is that resolutions are only kept by an estimated 8% of the population. That leaves the rest of us to be filled with guilt and regret from about February through December. Then the cycle starts all over again. If [...]

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​Why Icy, Snowy Winters are Full-on Crap

Granted, a very rare snowfall in southern states is like a miracle. It’s perfect because the snowballs melt usually before a day has passed. Then you wait another decade or three before the snow comes back. But even down south, the temperatures are frequently below freezing, which can mean icy, treacherous roads and deadly commutes. In places where snow is common and [...]

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​How My Cat Confiscated Christmas

You can translate everything about cats that goes viral on the Internet into a Christmas experience. In this way, you can grasp how my cat Horace literally steals the season. Viral videos prove cats haughtily occupy dogs’ beds, and it’s clear they don’t give a crap. Well, neither do they care about the effects of tearing open Christmas gifts, [...]

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Why Snow Sucks

When it comes to snow, people should think of death and destruction instead of chubby snowmen. There’s no doubt about it: People are fooled over this particular weather pattern. For hurricanes and tornadoes, folks run for cover. When snow starts coming down, they eat snowflakes and get excited about stuff as elementary as riding a piece of cardboard down a [...]

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​Crappy Reasons to Break Off a Relationship

The biggest regrets of my life were the ones I threw back—men, not fish. The reasons for the breakups seemed to make sense at the time. But when it comes to a few guys who not only genuinely cared for me then but have never forgotten their big crush, I know I blew my chance at lasting love. A [...]

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​When Embarrassment is your Middle Name

When I was younger, it seemed that I had more embarrassing episodes than any other human in history. Now that I’m older, it’s worse. Much worse. It wasn’t until one of my daughters moved back home that I came to understand just how dangerous it could be for me to live in this age of live videos and sharing [...]

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​Procrastination Definitely Sucks

The only thing that has ever come naturally to me is procrastination. It’s as easy as falling off of a log. I’m quite comfortable with putting things off, and I always like to put off till “whenever” what I should probably do today. I love procrastination like a drunk loves tequila until I have to deal with certain consequences. Then [...]

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5 Best Reasons to Hate Thanksgiving

When I was young, I admit that Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday. My entire family got together for a visit. We also ate amazing food cooked by my father or my grandfather, depending on which house we were at. But since they both left this earth when I was a teen, creating a grand canyon sized family split, Thanksgiving has [...]

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